Show Don't Tell - Meeting Minutes

Hey gang.

Great night. Makes for a pretty quick hour.
If you are like me, what may be granite the night before can turn to mere vapor by morning. I thought a recap might help.

Show don't tell.
The general idea is to keep the reader engaged in the story world. Let them see, hear, taste, smell, feel, plus get into the thought world of the characters.

Instead of-- Fred was excited about the news.
We'd write-- Fred danced around the kitchen. "Whooooohoo! They want my book!"

We also talked about how natural "showing" becomes if the scene is in your head, whether from memory or a vivid imagination. The story should unroll just as if there is a camera filming from the narrator's shoulder. We couldn't film Fred excited, but we could show him dancing in the kitchen. Good visual, yeah?

We hit briefly on making scene cards. Here is what I fill out before writing a scene: Chapter, Setting, Characters involved, Point of View, Main Point, Intensity scale (Is this an action scene or a reprieve?), Hook, Date, Time of day, Weather, Dramatic question raised, Dramatic question answered. Knowing this ahead of time helps me see the scene.

This also helps to "marble in" or "parcel" large chunks of told information. Instead of beginning a chapter with a long description of the setting or the weather, we can work information into the action beats. (It is important to anchor your reader to the setting, but they don't need the whole weather report and geology lesson.)

Instead of--
The restaurant was upscale with elegant furnishings; "I'll have the duck in plum sauce, please," Dona said.

Dona set the pleated napkin on her lap and turned to the garcon, "I'll have the duck in plum sauce, please."

Lastly, watch the adverbs. (Ooops.) They are a clue to telling. There is a place for them and a time to move the story forward with a bit of telling, but for self-editing, they are something to look for, especially when connected to a dialog tag. Ex: Dan said emphatically.

Two great books about showing are: Self-editing for Fiction Writers by Browne and King, and Stein on Writing by Sol Stein. I'm sure the local library carries both.

Any reference to Fred dancing or Dona eating duck is purely my own fabrication and in no way, other than my screwy sense of humor, to imply that not being there makes any person a target for my lame examples. :)

Next month's topic: POV (Point of View)

For the next two weeks we will e-mail POV information, ideas, violations, examples, questions and valuable sources. Then the last two weeks we will send a one-page example of our writing to everyone in the group so we can discuss at our next meeting. Look for a part where you feel you're struggling with POV. We can test the waters.

Example of a POV violation: My face turned red the moment I began to speak in front of the group.

If you don't see the POV violation in the prior sentence, good. We can learn together.

God Bless,
Dan

Show Don't Tell - Preparation for group meeting

We're back. I can't wait to share some of the info on what's happening in the publishing world.

Ashley's article on Show don't Tell is perfect. I wish it had been explained clearly to me from the beginning. I finally get it. :)

Please send your first page or 500 words to one another. This means- send a copy to everyone on the list. Then examine one anothers work, looking especially for show don't tell. Caviat. There is a time for telling and we will be discussing that. Bring your comments on Tuesday. Shoot for having them e-mailed by the beginning of this weekend.

I feel this is one of the most important aspects to great writing. In the examples it becomes clear the powerful difference made by showing. God bless you guys. I look forward to our meeting at Bev's next tuesday.

Thanks! Dan

Show Don't Tell

By Ashley Ludwig

I loved the book, but the movie was awful…

How many writers have felt that way? More than likely, it’s because you didn’t “see it” the way the director did. You had an image in your mind of what the heroine or hero looked like, where they lived, or how they talked. All because the author wrapped you around their finger and involved you by letting you see the story in your mind’s eye. This is the elusive mode of storytelling that is commonly referred to as “show, don’t tell.”

No one likes to be told what to do, where to go, or how to feel when you get there. Your book is your opportunity to become emotionally involved with new characters or old friends, and get your readers into the action! So, in reviewing your writing, how do you tell the difference?

Showing invokes a feeling: The agony of heartbreak, the gut wrenching of fear, or the elation of victory. Telling just allows you to explain that someone had their heart broken, was afraid, or won an event. The best authors weave their stories by allowing you to use your imagination and picture the scene right along with them. Here are some examples of how this can be achieved:

Ashley found that writing a scene for a novel or short story could be a
painfully difficult, often terrifying task.

or...

Oh, no! It’s happening again, she thought, her heart racing. Ashley broke into a
cold sweat, her mouth went bone dry as the cursor taunted and flashed on the
blank page.

Which one is show don’t tell?

Hopefully, it’s obvious. You show nervousness and fear with a pounding heart, by breaking into a cold sweat. Everyone knows that if your mouth is dry and you feel a cursor is taunting you, you’re probably nervous, worried, or having some sort of break down. Here is another example:

Ashley sat at the keyboard, typing as fast as she could. “Mommy! You said we
could go to the park!” Her daughter was upset.

or...

Just one more paragraph! Ashley thought, guiltily. Her fingers clicked on the
keys, as if flying of their own volition. She flicked her eyes at her daughter,
hair in pigtails, shoes on the wrong feet, starting yet another crayon
masterpiece. Ashley’s rolled top desk was already littered with drawings of a
stick figure girl and her mommy waiting at the bottom of the enormous slide.
Rachel’s four-year-old patience was worn thin as she frowned. “Mommy! You said
we could go to the park!”

So, what is the difference between the first example and the second? By showing the reader we’ve learned that Ashley is sitting at a rolled top desk, and there are drawings of a busy little girl who is anxious to go down the slide, she feels guilty about it.

So, now that the idea is clear is the question: how do you set your scene? Think of that word cinematography. People tend to be drawn to stunning cinematography, even if the movie is horrible and the storyline leaves something to be desired. A slow pan around the room will tell you several details:

1. What era are you writing?
2. Is this a wagon train western? Or a modern day psycho-thriller?
3. What time of day is it?
4. Who and what is in the room?
5. Who joins the scene and how?

All of these questions can be answered by showing your reader. Your mission should be:

• Evaluate a page of your book.
• Find a passage where you have told your reader something as opposed to letting them figure it out themselves.
• Rewrite by showing.

By letting your readers “see” instead of being told, you enable them to get a feel for the characters. They can envision the many rooms of the houses you are building, the wide sweeping landscapes that you are painting, and invariably, to become involved in the telling of your story.