Show Don't Tell

By Ashley Ludwig

I loved the book, but the movie was awful…

How many writers have felt that way? More than likely, it’s because you didn’t “see it” the way the director did. You had an image in your mind of what the heroine or hero looked like, where they lived, or how they talked. All because the author wrapped you around their finger and involved you by letting you see the story in your mind’s eye. This is the elusive mode of storytelling that is commonly referred to as “show, don’t tell.”

No one likes to be told what to do, where to go, or how to feel when you get there. Your book is your opportunity to become emotionally involved with new characters or old friends, and get your readers into the action! So, in reviewing your writing, how do you tell the difference?

Showing invokes a feeling: The agony of heartbreak, the gut wrenching of fear, or the elation of victory. Telling just allows you to explain that someone had their heart broken, was afraid, or won an event. The best authors weave their stories by allowing you to use your imagination and picture the scene right along with them. Here are some examples of how this can be achieved:

Ashley found that writing a scene for a novel or short story could be a
painfully difficult, often terrifying task.

or...

Oh, no! It’s happening again, she thought, her heart racing. Ashley broke into a
cold sweat, her mouth went bone dry as the cursor taunted and flashed on the
blank page.

Which one is show don’t tell?

Hopefully, it’s obvious. You show nervousness and fear with a pounding heart, by breaking into a cold sweat. Everyone knows that if your mouth is dry and you feel a cursor is taunting you, you’re probably nervous, worried, or having some sort of break down. Here is another example:

Ashley sat at the keyboard, typing as fast as she could. “Mommy! You said we
could go to the park!” Her daughter was upset.

or...

Just one more paragraph! Ashley thought, guiltily. Her fingers clicked on the
keys, as if flying of their own volition. She flicked her eyes at her daughter,
hair in pigtails, shoes on the wrong feet, starting yet another crayon
masterpiece. Ashley’s rolled top desk was already littered with drawings of a
stick figure girl and her mommy waiting at the bottom of the enormous slide.
Rachel’s four-year-old patience was worn thin as she frowned. “Mommy! You said
we could go to the park!”

So, what is the difference between the first example and the second? By showing the reader we’ve learned that Ashley is sitting at a rolled top desk, and there are drawings of a busy little girl who is anxious to go down the slide, she feels guilty about it.

So, now that the idea is clear is the question: how do you set your scene? Think of that word cinematography. People tend to be drawn to stunning cinematography, even if the movie is horrible and the storyline leaves something to be desired. A slow pan around the room will tell you several details:

1. What era are you writing?
2. Is this a wagon train western? Or a modern day psycho-thriller?
3. What time of day is it?
4. Who and what is in the room?
5. Who joins the scene and how?

All of these questions can be answered by showing your reader. Your mission should be:

• Evaluate a page of your book.
• Find a passage where you have told your reader something as opposed to letting them figure it out themselves.
• Rewrite by showing.

By letting your readers “see” instead of being told, you enable them to get a feel for the characters. They can envision the many rooms of the houses you are building, the wide sweeping landscapes that you are painting, and invariably, to become involved in the telling of your story.